I ran a group session at Vorboss on Friday, and one theme came up again and again: the voice in our heads. The judge.
Not presentation technique. Not lack of knowledge. Not even confidence in the obvious sense. It was that inner voice that says, “Don’t say that,” “You’ll sound silly,” “Everyone else knows more than you,” or “What if you get it wrong?”
What always interests me is how universal this voice is. I see it in senior leaders, founders, directors, and people with decades of experience behind them. It doesn’t disappear just because you become more successful. Sometimes the rooms simply get bigger, the stakes get higher, and the judge becomes louder.
The thing is, the judge isn’t trying to destroy us. It’s trying to protect us. Our brains are wired to keep us safe, and visibility can still register as a threat. Speaking up in a room, challenging a point, presenting an idea, or being seen by people whose opinion matters can all trigger the same internal alarm.
We are not going to die because we voice an opinion in a Board meeting. We are not unsafe because we take up space in a room we have earned the right to be in.
The judge often can’t tell the difference between danger and discomfort. That is why trying to silence it completely rarely works. A more useful approach is to meet it calmly.
One thing I often encourage clients to do is place a hand on the heart, take a few rounds of box breathing, and speak to that inner judge with steadiness rather than force. Something as simple as, “Thank you, I know you’re trying to protect me, but I’m safe,” can be remarkably powerful.
Not because it magically removes nerves, but because it reminds the nervous system that this is not an emergency. It is a conversation. A presentation. A contribution. A moment to be heard.
For senior people, this matters because the judge can quietly dilute authority. It can make you soften a point that needed to land clearly. It can make you over-explain. It can make you wait too long to speak, or leave the room wishing you had said the thing you already knew.
Confidence is not the absence of the judge. It is learning not to hand it the microphone.
If you want a quick snapshot of how your voice and presence are currently landing, you can take my 2-minute Speak Proud Authority Assessment here: https://speakproud.scoreapp.com/
Lisa Sheerin, ICF PCC Executive Coach | Transforming Confidence, Communication & Leadership
Lisa works as an executive public speaking coach, actor, and group fitness instructor with over 20 years of experience. A graduate of a three-year drama school program in London, she began her career in theatre and film, where she faced and overcame imposter syndrome. Today, she empowers others to embrace their authenticity and transform self-doubt into confidence, combining her acting expertise, fitness training, and passion for personal growth. Her mission is to guide others toward a life where they can speak and live proudly.
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